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Newz of the Day?

March 11th, 2011

I am an admitted news junkie – always watching CNN, getting news alerts on my droid, reading TIME (yeech!) and reading Huffington Post on-line – but when I went to HuffPost’s entertainment page (out of curiosity) today, I have to admit I was a little confused given all that is going on in the world. I rarely pay attention to so-called “entertainment news” and this would account for why I was totally clueless as to what’s behind the headlines listed below. I’ve included my initial thoughts upon reading each headline:

Ashlee Simpson’s Rebound Flame ‘Shocked’ Pete Wentz Ashlee? That’s Jessica’s sister, right? At least I know that much….
PHOTOS: Kim Kardashian Busts Out Hmmmm…. pass
Jay Baruchel’s Proposal: ‘Sh*t Or Get Off The Pot’ Don’t know who this is and I’m sure I don’t care. Thank you very much Mister P@tty-m@#th.
Aretha Franklin Addresses Gastric Bypass Rumors Oh no she din’nt + TMI
PHOTOS: Olivia Wilde Rocks A Teeny Bikini Sure, I’d like to see this, but who is Olivia Wilde?
LISTEN: Britney Spears Reveals Three New Songs Please God, make it stop…
Lohan Evacuates Apartment After Tsunami Warning She did what?!!!? Oh… Oh, okay I get it.
PHOTOS: Eddie Murphy’s Ex-Wife Shows Off Her Six Pack Oh no she din’nt + TMI
Palin On ‘Game Change’ Movie: I’ll ‘Grit My Teeth & Bear’ It Sarah, why are you still here?
Guess The Oscar Winner’s Kid Hmmmm…. Pass
Charlie Sheen Gets Denied! It’s about time.
Jim Moret: For Charlie, Growing up Is Hard to Do FUN FACT: Jim Moret is the son of 60’s teen idol James Darin.
Tony Danza GETTING DIVORCED It’s about time… I’m sorry to hear that… I don’t know what to say… Oh, yeah, how about, what has he done lately?
Simon Cowell RIPS Elton John This doesn’t mean what I think it means… If so, I’m guessing Simon is a topsy.
PHOTOS: Jonah Hill’s Epic Weight Loss Okaaay… and… Jonah Hill was/is (what?) fat? Tell me again who Jonah Hill is.
WATCH: Kate Winslet Wears Nothing But A Sheet Sure I’d like to see that, but who is Kate Winslet?
Ryan Phillippe: ‘I’m Dating, But…’ I’m vomiting, but….
Scarlett Johansson In 11 Revealing Moments Hmmmm…. pass… wait, maybe this is… nah…
PHOTOS, INFO: Meet Ashlee Simpson’s New Man Ashlee, why are you still here?
Mel Gibson CHARGED I guessing this means that he was charged with a crime, but hoping that it means that he was electrocuted.
Who Was Eliminated From ‘Idol’? Lost interest two seasons ago.
WATCH: Keira Knightley Dons Tight Catsuit Sure I’d like to see that, but, really, who is Keira Knightley?
Kelsey Grammer’s Daughter Reportedly Pregnant How can a woman be “reportedly” pregnant? Isn’t it “you’re either pregnant or you’re not”?
PHOTOS: Britney Dons Skimpy Leotard I think I’m going to be sick…
‘Real World’ Cast Member Has Secret Gay Porn Past {SEE ALL OF THE ABOVE}
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